did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
