you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
