I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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