it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
