I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
