Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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