Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
