i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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