Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
