I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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