last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
