Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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