I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
