You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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