to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Too much gin, very little bucket
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize