just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
