people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
