Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize