i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son