U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again