I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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