you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?