The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
