He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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