true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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