And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
