Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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