i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry about my life...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
