So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
