too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
