it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
