buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
