I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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