the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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