dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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