guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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