I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
