yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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