He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
