You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
