We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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