I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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