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• (516): View more from New York

  You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  yes

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ......... Poor kitty

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.

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• (925): View more from California

  I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Almost there.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.

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• (716): View more from New York

  So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Sex in the moonbounce later?

  (801): View more from Utah

  This is why I love you.

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• (323): View more from California

  I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.

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