so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's never too late to be topless.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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