So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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