Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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