somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
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We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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