I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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