Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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