Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
