he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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