There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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