Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
