My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
