I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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