So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
