Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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