How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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