I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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